Youth

I think I may have been interpreting Brett incorrectly all these years. I think there is something that other people see in him that I have been overlooking. What brought this up was a trip into my old files from high school. Some of the blog posts I wrote, the instant message conversations I had and the artwork I created reflect that of a five year old. I always thought that my mentality back in high school far surpassed that of my brothers at his current age, but upon reflection of the materials from back then - I'm thinking not so much.

I don't know why people were friends with me back then. I wrote that I was brutally honest to the point that if you were fat and were to ask me what I thought of you that I would tell you that you were fat. I continued to take pride in the fact that I considered myself to be some form of devil reincarnate. What in the hell? I immediately drew comparison to that of my little brother as I constantly rag on him for his immaturity and lack of understanding with other people. But, I am starting to understand that at some point I flipped the switch from being that little obnoxious high school boy to being [somewhat] more mature. I mean, don't get me wrong, there are things Brett does that I have never and will never do. But, for the most part, his actions and personality don't deviate as much from the way I acted when I was his age. It's just weird.

In other news, my concert is slowly drawing near. A few people who I want to be there can't be there and it is definitely bringing me down a bit. Not very many people understand the importance of my performances. As ridiculous as it sounds, if you can be there and you don't come - I tend to spite you. I seriously reflect on the foundation of my friendship with the person. It sounds horrible but I think it has something to do with the fact that I express myself a lot through my performances and the activities I lend myself to on campus and the greatest reward I reap from all of this is getting to share it with the people that I care about. I know people have obligations and some people just plain don't care. And that's fine. But I do take notice. Oh boy, do I take notice. I wish I wasn't such a hard-ass about it. I'll work on letting loose a bit - it's not exactly fair of me to expect other people to understand. However, I will say that even when I express the importance of it to me - some people who can make it still do not come. That's when I truly get spiteful.

In other more boring news I recently quit my internship. I told them that course-credit internships are completely understandable so long as the experience you get from it replaces the monetary compensation. I then told them that I would be happy to drive the 35 minutes, 3 times a week if I were to be paid, but that otherwise I am just wasting my time answering phones and printing contracts. I spent all last Thursday helping my boss (who hasn't a clue as to which end is up in the new millennium) understand how clicking "Post" on Craig's List will enable to you "post" an apartment ad. Dear god. I am no tutor for old folks, that's for sure. Give me a high school student or below and I will lend my knowledge to them. But older people expect so much more from you. No, I cannot make your computer float and click things by voice activation. Why? Because it's not possible. - End vent - I also picked up a paid internship at the study abroad office. I hope it expands because there is potential for me to meet the head of marketing for all of Stony Brook University. That would be fantastic. On the note of the study abroad office, I will be going to Florence in the Spring of 2010. It's going to be epic. And my friends have tentative plans to come with me.

If you've read all of this - comment so that I know to give you a cookie.

Housing

It's sort of irritating to look back and see that I should have written my experiences and frustrations down when they happened. There's something about writing it down as it's happening that has a much more legitimate, fiery feeling than reflecting upon it months later. I was just called into my RHD's office today, again, thinking I did something wrong. Turns out, she just wants to ask me about housing. It astounds me that, despite her utter hatred for her job, she still sticks it out and tries to make it as pleasant an experience as it can be for everyone. She wanted to ask if I wanted the RA room again for next year because she was considering giving it up for an actual RA next year. I think the consensus was that we would give it up if we could get the room our current RA resides in (which, is freaking enormous).

It reminded me of the day that my roommate just left in the middle of the day after 1.5 years without so much as a goodbye. I was actually really upset. The idea that I was going to have a random roommate scared me. I need to be in control of who I am going to live with for an entire year - I don't consider that an unreasonable request. I immediately called Campus Residences because my RHD told me that I had but a week to get a new roommate. The man I talked to, name unknown at the moment, was a complete (for lack of a better word), asshole. It was ridiculous. Sometimes it really shocks me how uncompassionate the faculty at Stony Brook can be. There is a vast range of staff that ranges from people who you just want to hug because their kindess is too much... but, there are also people on the other end of the spectrum. Those people make me want to vomit. Why in the WORLD do they hire people? Are their interviewing skills that great, that they don't notice the Anti-Christ within them? Well, anyways, he basically would not help me out at all. I had a friend who was at the "bottom" of the de-tripling list and he would not budge. I asked him why not, and he responded with something along the lines of "How would it be fair if I bumped your friend to the top of list when there are other people above him?" And I said "Didn't you say it was a lottery?" And he said "Yes? Your point?" "Well, my point is, if it's truly a lottery... everyone has the same right to move out. They've all been waiting the same amount of time to be de-tripled. So it's not fair in any case for anyone to be at the 'bottom' of the list." I really didn't see how my point was invalid. It would just be one person helping out another person. It was a very strange situation. Not many times does someone's roommate leave in the middle of the day without somuch as a goodbye. I explained to him that I had a horrible suitemate situation the year before that put me in this room in the first place.

What it boiled down to was: asshole. What's the point of having people work that position of Campus Residences anyways if there is no way to alter anything? Anyways, I asked around and discovered a whole handful of different situations similar to mine that really sickened me. One of which was that one girl in one of the rooms in a suite upstairs didn't show up. Eventually, Campus Res found out and tried to put someone in there. Problem was, the people in the suite had all gotten close and one of the girls in the tripled room didn't want to leave so asked if she could simply move into the room right next to hers so she could stay in the suite. They said no.

Oh, and I got a roommate the very next day - not a week later. It wasn't even 24 hours. As luck has it, we became really close and I don't think I could ask for a better roommate. But, screw that man at Campus Residences. You're an ass.

End of an Era

So last night I attended the final performance of Spring Awakening. Boy, was that emotionally draining. Have you ever been to a final performance on Broadway? The only people in the theater are die-hard fans, and the hundreds of producers - who are all die hard fans. Even the Spice Girls concert (let's not talk about that) was not as crazy as it was last night.

I had gone to May 18th's performance, which was the final night for the two leads, and I was sure that nothing could touch upon that amazing night of theatre. But, nothing could compare to last night's show. I have never experienced such a sensational form of live music before in my entire life. When their show-defining number came on (Totally Fucked) they got their immediate standing ovation. That was no surprise. What was a surprise was that the guitar held out a high pitched note for the entirety of the standing o. And then the drums came in. And then the song reprised from "Yeah, you're fucked all right..." which is the pinnacle of the song in which everyone can't help but bop their heads, tap their feet, and, let's face it, go crazy.  I can honestly say that I have never experienced such mind shattering joy. In retrospect, I don't really know what came over me. It was like some demon of unparalled euphoria was released and I couldn't help but wear a smile that was actually painful to sustain. I was jumping and clapping and when the number was over and the louder roar of the audience chimed in, I literally collapsed on my seat with a giant grin over my face. I literally could not stand up. So I delivered what was more of a sitting ovation. Does that make any sense?

God, will I miss this show. Last night was just evidence of how many people it touched. To all my friends who think I'm nuts going as many times as I did... the only way I can explain it is by saying that Spring Awakening to me was the equivalent of someone elses favorite band, singer, performer, etc. And now that band has broken up and we'll see what else is in store for them (and for me). The other day, Petty asked me what was the best day of my life. Well, I can definitely say that last night was easily one of the (if not the) best moments I've ever experienced.

Alcohol

I really wish alcohol didn't rule peoples' lives. While I know Maddi is the only one that reads this and this doesn't apply to her... it really makes me sick how much alcohol can determine the fate of (I'd estimate) 90% of my friends. Ugh.

I guess being friends with people for almost a decade doesn't really have an influence if the alternative is them going to a fucking bar and do ridiculous things. It's really FUCKING GREAT. I REFUSE to regret being 19.

Movies

I realize it's been an absurdly long time since I've written in this thing. I think I may need to face the reality that my time here at LiveJournal never really amounted to anything and I may as well give up.

In any case, here is my purpose for today. I need to write down somewhere what movies must be seen before the Academy Awards hit.  Bold denotes me having already seen it, stars that I really want to.

The Duchess
The Boy in the Striped Pajamas
Milk
Australia
Doubt
Changeling
Defiance
Revolutionary Road*
Rachel Getting Married*
Gran Turino*
Frost/Nixon
The Secret Life of Bees
The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
Slumdog Millionaire
The Reader*
I've Loved You So Long
Happy Go Lucky*
Frozen River
Vicky Cristina Barcelona
The Wrestler

I still have a while to go. I don't want to see The Wrestler but I know I have to. Something about it already irks me. So far I want Brad Pitt to win for Best Actor. He's really more than just a pretty face.

Reminder

Things I am going to write about soon in my LJ... 1. Getting Matt Doyle to sign my vector. 2. The lyrics to Plain Jane Fat Ass since none exist. 3. How busy my schedule is about to become. 4. How I will be leaving LiveJournal after 6 years and moving over to Blogger.com.

Spring Awakening

Do you think cutting the ends of your hair helps it to grow?

I just thought I could explain a little bit about my current obsession so that I never forget it. Spring Awakening is god. Have you ever had an obsession with something? An actor or an actress?

Think about that... only apply it to something with SUBSTANCE. Spring Awakening is an amazing show. Albeit, it's a little weird to find someone obsessed with a Broadway show - as opposed to RENT where people listened to the soundtrack and danced around singing it like little boppy teenagers. One thing I remember was when I was in High School and I was standing in line for my spicy chicken. I remember just having understood where Doug, Cassie, Marissa, and Abby had gotten that AMAZING tune (Seasons of Love) about ten million minutes and seasons of something or another from. Anyways, I was totally infatuated by this music because it was just fantastic! And then some jappy preppy cookie cutter of Half Hollow Hills bitch was singing "Take Me or Leave Me." It was in that moment that I realized how dead the music was and how, by liking it so much, I was just another clone that the media wanted to spit out. Thank god I hated the movie.

Anyways, back to Spring Awakening. So here's the thing about this show. To me, the show represents a few different things.

I am constantly having existentialist thoughts. I believe that I have to create my own happiness because, shit, life aint going to create it for me. Mix that with my CONSTANT thought of "If I could die tomorrow what will I regret not doing?" and... wa-la - seen Spring Awakening 8 times in the past 2.5 months. Anyways, my point is, when I get to sit in that theatre and watch what is the most incredible show ever written... I am happy. I sit there and I smile for two and a half hours and nothing can touch me. For that block of time I am in utter bliss and at home. It sounds ridiculous... but I have the rest of my life to make money. I don't think I am going to grow up and be unbelievably rich. But I also think that a lot of us have grown up with so little money at our fingertips, that even just making 40k in one year is going to be unfathomable to most of us.

Another thing this show represents to me is just... the MEANING behind it. You can watch this show 414 times (as the bitch in front of Ashley and I did) and honestly walk out with a different meaning 414 times. You can get chills 414 times. And you can walk out of that theatre having a new appreciation for what talent really is... 414 times. You can read the synopsis, as Ariel did, and think you understand... but you just can't possibly. Even I still don't recognize what the show is all about. It's about freedom and youth and living in a society in which you want to be who you want to be. How many of us CAN'T relate to that. Not many, I'll tell you that much. In no way can someone watch that show and not relate to it in one way or another.

I solidified the idea that this is how I want to spend the rest of my life when sitting in that theatre. Yeah, I'm not talented enough to be in that spot that those lucky ass teenagers are in. But, fuck, I'm definitely hard core enough to be in that business. I can manage the hell out of a show, market, produce, etc. the hell out of anyone I know. And it's not like I don't have a musical bone in my body.. it's such a big part of who I am today. Little Shop much?

So for all of you who aren't reading this, and think "Jeez, that kid is crazy. Why does he keep going there?" THAT'S why. It's the same reason Brandon reads books, or Pettway cooks, or Ariel does design work. Yeah, it's slightly more expensive... but who fucking gives a shit!

Money

A lot of our friends used to be fat. Cows, even. Now, all of them are skinny. And comparing pictures of me from then to now, I've put on a good amount of weight. That's not implying I'm fat. That's implying that I used to look like a skeleton and now I have meat on my bones. Congratulations to all who used to be fat. You're not anymore.

Aside from that - I'm hemorrhaging money out of my left hand. I keep impulsively buying Broadway tickets on a whim. My train of thought goes like this. I have around $10,000 in my bank account. I've been saving it for emergencies. I love Broadway. I really love Broadway... What if I die tomorrow? Oh my god, I'll die tomorrow and not have spent money on the one thing in this world that makes me happy! ::clicks Ticketmaster:: This unhealthy obsession has led to two different things. Me accepting a job offer at Loewy Designs. They found me - not the other way around. And me obtaining a credit card. No one would actually give it to me but I somehow got one, with a $1,200 credit limit. ::does math:: That's around 6 Broadway shows per month! Gah.

I'm currently failing my summer classes. A lot of times I just keep putting things into perspective for myself. While education is most certainly important... this past year has been an awakening call for me. I had such perfect grades in high school (I think I even posted them on Livejournal like a cocky sunnofabitch) that when I got to college I wanted to see what it was like to do other things that people in HSE did. And now I might very well be a slacker. Here's to hoping next semester is better.

Oh, and Shakespeare rocks. The idea and story of Romeo and Juliet is so overdone and overrated. But if you actually go and read the words... god Shakespeare gives me chills. And so does Matt Doyle. Go listen to him sing somewhere and you will have truly lived.

I miss some people. I thought this summer would be a little different. But I have been able to catch up and hang out with some old friends a lot. That's awesome for me.

British Accents and Random People

Though no one will ever read this... to all those whom I called and left hideously long voicemail's styled with a British accent - I either apologize or ask that you keep the making fun of me to a minimum.

Thespians

Oops. Haven't updated in a while. This is for Gina.

I fucking love Thespians.
I fucking love music.
I fucking love Gina and Aurielle.
I FUCKING LOVE THE COMBINATION OF THESPIAN SOCIETY, MUSIC, AND AURIELLE AND GINA.

Screw this. I'm going back to high school. Who knew that people in HSE were more talented than people at college. I didn't.

Me and Gina are going to run away together and sing sweet lullabies, Songs for a New World, and Mulan in each others ears until we die in each others arms as soul mates. And you can't stop us.